An Open Letter to People Just Starting to Watch ‘Breaking Bad’

So the rest of television-watching world has said goodbye to Breaking Bad last week and you’re now saying hello. “No spoilers! I’m on season 2!” Season 2? Unless you’ve the worst Comcast connection in the history of sucky cable providers, there’s no reasonable excuse to be on Season 2.

I’ve never understood why this bothers me. There have been shows I’ve watched after they’ve fact, albums I’ve listened to after reading a “Best Of” list on Pitchfork, movies I’ve watched only after reading Best Picture nominations. Catching up to the rest of pop culture is a nature emotion. It’s just not one worth talking about. Definitely not one worth bragging about.

I get it. While you were committed to finishing up Lost on Netflix, somehow you failed to notice the most critically acclaimed show on television. Did you think we were all wrong? Were the mutliple Emmy nominations were because of Bryan Cranston’s proficiency in rocking tightywhities? I’m not giving you points for jumping on the Breaking Bad bandwagon. It’s not like we were keeping all the fun to ourselves.

Breaking Bad is over. The worst way to get over an unwanted breakup is to have randoms enthusiastically declaring how perfect their honeymoon stage is going. Chill with your random “Skylar is such a bitch!” “Yeah, Mr. Walt!” “Heisenberg, bitcheeees!”  They feel like pathetic attempts to weasel yourself back into a party the world readily invited you to join and you  didn’t join until we’re all packing up. Don’t Invite us to take shots with you while we’re trying drinking coconut water trying to rehydrate.

Which is not to say you shouldn’t watch Breaking Bad. Of course you should! But your insistence on letting people know that you are just now feels the same if you started tweeting about losing your virginity at 25. Or just had your first craft beer. While I’m happy you’ve discovered life beyond Handgelina and Natty Light and there’s no denying your enthusiasm, you might want to celebrate silently.

If you want to get ahead of the curve though watch Sons of Anarchy. Try Five Guys. Go on YouTube and proceed to have your life changed by the neighborhood home of Mr. Rogers.

It might be better to be late than never. But there’s a fine line between late discovery and missing the train. Once you miss it, don’t Instagram your ticket as you wait for the next one.

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